So...I'm breast feeding and while I never dreamed of giving up on it, I wanted to warn you rookies out there what BF really entails. First of all in the middle of your 20 minute sleep 24 hours after you give birth they do a procedure on you called Melon Implants. It's a honeydew melon that they implant in your breasts so that you still have weight on your front end JUST LIKE WHEN YOU WERE PREGNANT! Then they bring your boobs down to bellybutton level so that they can rest on your post baby belly and so that you can make Jabba the Hut references to yourself when no one is listening.
After your procedure you may find that your chest begins to tingle as if internal tape worms are crawling around in there. Then as if German militia took up residence inside your nipple. They begin firing milk out of your boobs so fast and furious that your Omaha beach ie. tummy, jeans, sheets etc are soaked. I can remember the day when I changed pants 3 times because I soaked them so badly and I am not exaggerating about that. Now enters the newborn. This baby has been fed via tummy tube for 9 months and now is going to attempt to drink milk from a fire hydrant while in a dead sleep. Shooting milk into your child's nose, eyes and generally drenching them is a real treat for a new mom. What a tender touching bonding moment with your new baby.
Wearing those pads is the only thing that can save you from shirt moisture. During those first weeks you can change pads 3 times a day and often friends will notice a new odor you are emitting. It's your sour pads. Throw those things away!
It was not funny at first.
But now I laugh when I think about those early days.
Breast Feeding=Amazing
1 comment:
Laura, that is so funny, but very true. Gotta love those fire hydrant moments - poor baby can't swallow fast enough! Anyway, I'm glad it's working out well for you. :) We are still going strong here at almost 11 months!
Post a Comment