Monday, August 3, 2009

A Bitter Taste in your Mouth

Over the last four months my mind has been in a state of confusion about where life is taking me. Why haven't I gotten my much sought after Masters yet, why can't I get a job, why don't I want to have children any longer-and other questions have been mentally running amuk. I have felt unhappy, dissatisfied, unable to change my course, and in general complainey about life. I grow weary of trying to find solutions when I live in two year increments with a non-traditional marriage.

So I resorted to dwelling on what would have happened had I:

  • Had pursued my Masters straight away.
  • Had been able to stay with Starbucks.
  • Not gotten married.
  • Etc.

My mind relished in the thoughts of this independent intelligent career woman with nothing to hold her back. As I compared my "what if" life to my present life it only drew me further into disappointment, discouragement and self pity.

While preparing for my Bible Study this evening on what the Bible says about being a wife, I stumbled across this verse quite by accident. "But Lot's wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt." All of the last four months of mental confusion came rushing forth and a God was able to break through my ungrateful and confused mind to gently remind me that...

I chose my life with full intelligence, wisdom, sound mind and desire. I was not coerced into this choice but prayerfully I entered into every step of it. Here I stand "looking back" and I am becoming a pillar of salt, a very bitter woman.

With all the love and tenderness the great God of mercy has for me He asked me a question. Would I like to turn into the pillar of salt and be so preoccupied with the past that my name is not even worth mentioning, or if I would like to accept my circumstances and carry on with all faith that He will carry me through.

Oh Jesus, that I would not be such an unpleasant picture of self pity. Take away my self-centered desires for I surrender; redeem me once again.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

High's Lows

Olive Grove is a camp that I just finished working at. For a little over two weeks, each night with my small group we would say what our highs and lows were for the day. So, I thought this would be an appropriate way to share what my highs and lows were from camp.

High: Having Julie as a roomate. Good talk time, kosk time, running time, swim time, debrief time, judging time, confession time, telling each other our hair looks amazing even though it looks like we stepped out from under a bad blow dryer, and getting to take care of her son who wakes us up at all hours of the night.

Low: Driving backwards in the van on the way out there through uber curvey roads.

High: My girls. Both the little babes and the highschool gals. Doing hugs and high fives every night with my little ones was absolutely a joy and then hearing the maturity and honesty in the voices of the highschoolers was fantastic.

Low: Not knowing about bananna bowl sooner in my life. This game will rock your world. Two teams with guys and girls on each team. Guys play soccer rules, girls play ruby rules. Try and score goals. Mucho fun.
High: Watching the staff do skits to explain the rules of camp. Sam getting mad, Simon yelling, "Do you want to play UNO!!!", Kerri and Jon making out, Luther drinking a huge bottle of water...
Low: Freaking out about what i was going to talk about for campfire one night. Little sleep + high estrogen = crying about it.
High: Doing yoga each day in my elective.

Low: changing sheets from my bed wetters

High: Being in Greece.
Low: Saying goodbye to everyone.




Saturday, July 11, 2009

Just a Day just an Ordinary Day

Sometimes we experience things that: shake us, fufill us, move us, and teach us in such immense ways. We are so changed by them, we wonder why the world we live in isn't affected as well.
After coming back from Olive Grove the last three weeks this is what I wondered as I looked in my cupboards and found the toothpaste right where I had left it, the bed made its normal way, and the dishes stacked just so. I got up this morning and dusted, put laundry in the washing machine, and ate some cereal. Didn't my home and body remember that I was a new person?

I would have liked to have been so changed that maybe I forgot where a light switch was, or had to think where I keep the extra keys. So, what is the sign that things change. Where do I look when I want to be reminded that, no, i'm not the same any more, ? I guess I look inside myself.

I close my eyes and recall the children, the voices, the games, the discussion, the beach, the quiet, the chaotic, the praises, the tears, the prayers, and then I remember. I am not the same.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Perfect Parfait


Today is a fabulous day so far. I am still jet lagging quite a bit so I wake up at 2:00 everymorning and can't go back to sleep. Eric is now NOT leaving on Wednesday but the 27th so I have a whole week more with him!
He woke me up with flowers today and tried to make me coffee in my new French Press but there's a part we can't find so I went ahead and did that. The roses are STILL in bloom even though everything else is dead and they drape over the window in the office right in my periphial when I type.
When I was going through all my drudgery with the plane rides we were sitting next to a lady who was planning a bridal shower brunch and couldn't think of a protien that she wouldn't need to keep warm. I suggested parfait's. You know...granola, yogurt and then cut up fruit on the top. PERFECT. I made one for my breakfast today and boy is it healthy...and delicious. I did have to add a little sugar to the plain yogurt but I love the idea of only having to eat one bowl of something instead of cereal, a dairy and a fruit and it has 10g of protien in the granola alone!!!!!
Tonight the Franksters are coming over for breakfast dinner. We have been chatting about a breakfast buffet for a long time and here's what we are making tonight:
Breakfast Pizza,
Bisc. and sausage gravy,
McGriddles,
Cinnamon Rolls
Omelets with canadian bacon and tomato,
Hashbrowns,
Coffee Cake,
Creps
Melon,
Bacon,
Sausage, &
Nemosas to drink

Come on OVER!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Third...Fourth...Fifth times a charm

Warning: May contain large amounts of complaining and detailed travel reports that will bore the minds of today's uninterested. Feel free to skip paragraphs as necessary.

Day One: We're going home! I was so happy to have all the luggage packed so precisily. The Christmas gifts had been mailed. Eric and I had enjoyed a night in Baltimore together, took in the new James Bond movie and we were ready to meet our across the street neighbor Katie and her 5 month old at the USO at the Baltimore Airport before getting on our plane.
With no cellphones and no internet access from my very recently virus posioned computer we were at the mercy of public computers and pay phones for the duration.
We arrived, I marked myself "present" for the flight and found Katie at around 1:00 since we had to leave the hotel. "Show time" was 8:00 and we had 7 hours to kill. We ate some food, read some books, played with baby Abby and were upstairs ready to go with all our enormous luggage train on time. What we didn't know was that "Space A...(Space Available)" was about to become a dreaded enemy. Eric was flying back on "orders" which means he had a guarenteed flight back to Turkey. But Katie and I were flying Space A so the chances of getting back were risky.
The airport rep. announced they had 22 available seats for this flight and we began to count the people waiting for seats. 80 people waiting for 22 seats meant our chances were not great. They began to call the Catergory One people-those traveling because of deaths or emergancies. No one came forward. Then they began to call the Catergory Two travelers. These were the people that were on "leave" or vacation and had a special permission called EML. They began to call last names sorted by the date you signed up. We realized that even when they called one name, that meant that entire family would come forth and 22 seats soon disappeared. They didn't even get through Cat. 2. So I kissed Eric goodbye and Katie and I started the luggage system that would last for the next 5 days of hauling luggage in and out of shuttles/taxis/hotels/airports etc.
We called the hotel and shuttled our way to the first hotel hoping to get on the next flight out the next night.

Day Two: We had to check out of our hotel again at 1:00 so again...all day long in the USO. Eating at more restauraunts. Down to one diaper for Abby. And beginning to push the life panic button which is located close to the tear ducts. We had been informed that if we didn't make the flight out of Baltimore that we could scurry down to D.C. and try and make a flight out of Andrews AFB that night, as they have flights Monday, Wednesday and Friday to Ramstein Germany. We figured at that point we can at least try to get to Germany and then catch another Rotater (Government plane) or just by a ticket to Adana Turkey.
We hauled all our luggage back upstairs at show time and learned there were 54 seats for this plane. They called names and got to Catergory 3 (we were in Cat 4) and stopped half way through Cat Three.
So we hauled all our luggage and Abby's stroller down to the taxis' and flew like mad down to D.C. Taxi fare 109.00. We arrived on base and were told that taxi wasn't allowed on base with all the Inaguration excitement and such so the military police came and escorted us to the terminal where we were greated by an incredibly full room of people waiting for 15 seats on a C-17. 10 minutes before departure time at 10:15 at night a Two Star General comes in and takes all the remaining seats. Great another night in a hotel with the next possible flight going out in two days.
All of the "on base" lodging was full so knowing we would have to call another taxi on base, find a hotel close by, and pay another hotel fee I began my sobbing. A really nice guy sitting next to us offered to take us to a hotel so off to spend more money we did.

Day Three: The next morning we were REALLY out of diapers, wipes, contact solution so we walked through the ghetto that is D. C. to the Family Dollar with barred windows. to get back on track. AND I forgot to mention Eric had my Bank Card so all I had was my check book so Katie had to pay for everything which was very kind but I HATED not having anything. We looked in to the price of flying home 660.00 which is really not bad and decided to wait and see if we could get out on the Friday flight before we went even more crazy.

Day Four: What is that movie where Tom Hanks has to wait for like a year or something before he can fly out of some airport? Is it called the Terminal? That is exactally what we did we ate vending machine food for 3 days, we stayed there for no less than 8 hours and one night 13 hours for days on end.
When we were ready to leave the hotel we called a taxi to get us back on base. Guess what?! The taxi's were on strike and couldn't come pick us up. SO Katie, the baby in the stroller, two huge roller bags and two carry on bags, my lap top briefcase and the diaper bag walked from the hotel all the way on base until we could get picked up by the base shuttle. That's right people 45 minutes and a screaming freezing baby later we got on the shuttle.
At this point I couldn't call or email Eric and let him know where we were or what the plan was because...he's in Turkey...and we didn't have Internet. So at 10:15 when they were supposed to start roll call they announced that the plane had mechanical failure and wouldn't be there until 3:15 am. And they couldn't guarentee anyone would get a seat anyway. This didn't phase us in the least. No surprise would have shocked us at this point. So finally around 1:00 they told us that were were all getting on the plane. I didn't smile, I didn't cry, I just hugged Katie and shrugged my shoulders. Until that plane got off the ground ANYTHING could happen.

Day Five: A C-17 is one of those huge ugly grey planes that usually carries medical supplies, building materials, small cars etc but the sides are lined with seats so this is what we flew for 7.5 hours to Ramstien. I fell asleep for all of 1 hour with my head in my knees. I have nothing more to say about that. It would have been cool if there were any other circumstances surrounding this travel.

Day Six: Arrive at Ramstein at night, check into hotel, sleep in shifts as Abby slept the whole time on the plane and was not interested in sleeping that night at ALL. I did get to watch High School Musical which is the DUMBEST movie of all time from 2:00-4:00 when Abby and I were "playing".

Day 7: Take shuttle 1.5 hours to Frankfurt airport. Purchase ticket to fly to Adana airport. Eat German sandwhich and chocolate chip muffin while we waited 6 hours for our flight to take off. Arrive at home 2:00 am.

Day 8: Eric tells me he's leaving for Iraq in 9 days and asks if I want to accompany him to Ramstein for a week while he waits to go. I am actually not taking any questions right now.

Isaiah 43:1

But now, this is what the LORD says— He who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine."