The Miracle of Life

For most of my life I think I took baby making to be an easy task. In elementary school my thinking was somewhat along the lines of "all of a sudden someone gets a baby put in their stomach and then a couple months later the baby falls out and you get to hold it and feed it a bottle in the church nursery".

In 5th or 6th grade Mom had a miscarriage and I remember not really understanding that. In Jr. High somehow I knew that my Mom was pregnant even though she hadn't told us yet. I had just taken health class and Mom was exhibiting "the signs". So we waited the prescribed nine months and out popped a new sister. For all the experiences above it didn't seem like much of a miracle was needed in order to make new babies for me to babysit. I think I took it for granted. And then I got married...

Background: We decided to start out with the birth control pill so that we wouldn't have to worry about anything during our first year at least. But the pill made me a raging depressed lunatic so after another crying fit Eric flushed the rest of my medicine down the toilet, (really he did-go check the drains at Wright Patterson AFB), and we did the "natural family planning" method which was great but also made me hyper sensitive to my cycles and if I was a day late I would "feel" pregnancy symptoms and tell Eric that maybe I was pregnant...and then I would start my cycle the next day and Eric would shake his head. This happened almost every month so Eric just ignored me mostly until about a year after our marriage I really was late.

My first pregnancy lasted only 3 weeks and I was devastated. Then again, right before we were supposed to move to Turkey I became pregnant again and again, lost the baby in just the first 3 weeks. It was so sad, and so sudden. We hadn't been trying to get pregnant so we weren't in the mental baby mode. To go from excitement to despair in the matter of a week was pretty wearing.

And then came the time to start trying for real. Eric had gotten back from Iraq and I had been counting my cycles, taking pre natal vitamins, and had a much better understanding of when the optimal time for conception was. And in December of '09 we found out we were pregnant again. I took the home pregnancy test, the blood test, and was sure this time that things were going to be ok. And then just two days later, the spotting and cramping started and I just knew that it another miscarriage. So on December 24th during the Christmas Eve service and for the next week our third pregnancy slipped through my body.

During my last miscarriage I told my mom that I felt so powerless. As a mother, some of you know what it feels like to want to protect and sustain your children's lives. I don't have any real experience being a parent, but as this small one slipped through, I felt powerless to protect it against death. I couldn't control my own body to keep it inside me, safe, healthy, and growing. I believe that parents can never be in complete control of their child's well-being as much as they wish they could. I have been reminded that God is the only infinite protector and sustainer of human life.

Christmas Day I was at rest mentally and emotionally. I felt prayed over and protected from bitterness and self-consuming thoughts. Christmas Day, I thought about how precious my family, Eric and this little one are to me. Even in the midst of loss these earthly things cannot compete with the preciousness of Jesus. I am SO thankful that I was able to acknowledge Him as the most precious baby that day.

Entering my sixth week of pregnancy with a healthy new baby was a sigh of relief. So far absolutely no bleeding, and our first appointment went really well. I feel so assured that this little one will make it. Our due date is November 25th 2010 and it will forever have the birth place of Las Vegas, NV. The Dr. did put me on three medications: progesterone, baby aspirin (blood thinner to make sure the blood gets into the placenta), and I have to give myself a shot every day of another form of blood clot inhibitor. My friend Julianna had to help me with the shot the first time because it's pretty freaky holding a needle to your own stomach and pushing it in yourself.

After 3 months of giving myself the injections I had a breakdown and couldn't do it anymore. It hurt and took so much courage each time to push that needle through and it didn't get easier with time. So Eric-despite his fear of needles took over and has been doing it every night since. The blood clotting disorder is called MTHFR for short-the long name is: methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase and I'll let you look that up for yourselves.

Presently I am at 20 weeks and this baby is Turbo baby. We heard the heart beat at 7 weeks, started feeling kicks at 15 weeks and it just seems like this little one is telling me, "I'm here Mommy and I love my life already!"

So the Life has visited us once again and it truly is a Miracle.