A Bitter Taste in your Mouth

Over the last four months my mind has been in a state of confusion about where life is taking me. Why haven't I gotten my much sought after Masters yet, why can't I get a job, why don't I want to have children any longer-and other questions have been mentally running amuk. I have felt unhappy, dissatisfied, unable to change my course, and in general complainey about life. I grow weary of trying to find solutions when I live in two year increments with a non-traditional marriage.

So I resorted to dwelling on what would have happened had I:

• Had pursued my Masters straight away.
• Had been able to stay with Starbucks.
• Not gotten married.
• Etc.

My mind relished in the thoughts of this independent intelligent career woman with nothing to hold her back. As I compared my "what if" life to my present life it only drew me further into disappointment, discouragement and self pity.

While preparing for my Bible Study this evening on what the Bible says about being a wife, I stumbled across this verse quite by accident. "But Lot's wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt." All of the last four months of mental confusion came rushing forth and a God was able to break through my ungrateful and confused mind to gently remind me that...

I chose my life with full intelligence, wisdom, sound mind and desire. I was not coerced into this choice but prayerfully I entered into every step of it. Here I stand "looking back" and I am becoming a pillar of salt, a very bitter woman.

With all the love and tenderness the great God of mercy has for me He asked me a question. Would I like to turn into the pillar of salt and be so preoccupied with the past that my name is not even worth mentioning, or if I would like to accept my circumstances and carry on with all faith that He will carry me through.

Oh Jesus, that I would not be such an unpleasant picture of self pity. Take away my self-centered desires for I surrender; redeem me once again.

High's Lows

Olive Grove is a camp that I just finished working at. For a little over two weeks, each night with my small group we would say what our highs and lows were for the day. So, I thought this would be an appropriate way to share what my highs and lows were from camp.

High: Having Julie as a roomate. Good talk time, kosk time, running time, swim time, debrief time, judging time, confession time, telling each other our hair looks amazing even though it looks like we stepped out from under a bad blow dryer, and getting to take care of her son who wakes us up at all hours of the night.

Low: Driving backwards in the van on the way out there through uber curvey roads.

High: My girls. Both the little babes and the highschool gals. Doing hugs and high fives every night with my little ones was absolutely a joy and then hearing the maturity and honesty in the voices of the highschoolers was fantastic.

Low: Not knowing about bananna bowl sooner in my life. This game will rock your world. Two teams with guys and girls on each team. Guys play soccer rules, girls play ruby rules. Try and score goals. Mucho fun.

High: Watching the staff do skits to explain the rules of camp. Sam getting mad, Simon yelling, "Do you want to play UNO!!!", Kerri and Jon making out, Luther drinking a huge bottle of water...

Low: Freaking out about what i was going to talk about for campfire one night. Little sleep + high estrogen = crying about it.

High: Doing yoga each day in my elective.

Low: changing sheets from my bed wetters

High: Being in Greece.

Low: Saying goodbye to everyone.